I am much funnier when I am drunk...

... I know this because I notice people laughing all around me when I am. And that is even before I appropriate a lampshade for my head.

My sister-in-law commented the other day that they "ought to just plug up that well in the Gulf." I tried to explain how deep it was under the water but she trumped it with "Well, don't they have any divers?"

A lot of people fault BP for this whole mess and think they are dragging their feet in cleaning it up. For the life of me I cannot see the profit in losing all that oil, destroying the company's reputation, having to lay out $20 billion over 4 years, and the destruction of the drilling rig (those aren't cheap either). I am sure they have insurance of some kind for the rig but, like my homeowner's insurance, I am also sure there's a fairly big deductible.

In addition to faulting BP itself, people are boycotting BP gasoline. This, of course, might hurt a worldwide corporation a bit but devastates the very small business owner who actually owns and operates most of the BP gas stations in the US.

We are going through confirmation hearings for another Supreme Court nominee. Elena Kagan turns out to be not nearly as liberal as she was made out to be. At least, in front of that committee. I have learned one thing. She doesn't pronounce the "g" for any word ending in "ing". Imagine that, a Dean of Law at Harvard and she cannot pronounce "judging", it comes out "judgin'." Downright folksy, don't ya think? I almost expect to hear a "y'all" thrown on the end now and then.

Ms Kagan is doing her best not to be controversial. All nominees do this. No one really believes what she is saying about her ideology (which she can't seem to define) or politics (about which she is vague beyond being a life-long Democrat) not "interferin' with her judgin'."

It's just a game we play. Like a small child reciting a poem or the pledge of allegiance for a bunch of adults. The child has an advantage, she doesn't understand the words, she's just reciting them from memory. And, unlike the committee, the adults are people she actually looks up to.

She'll sail through this nomination process, they say. Probably so. And we'll all wonder why she seems so different once she gains that life-long job.

It's all just an illusion, isn't it? Life, I mean.

Protesting for fun and profit

In case you haven't noticed (or have been locked in a closet somewhere), there were protests going on at the G8 and G20 meetings in Toronto, Canada. Every time they have these economic summits, wackos and anarchists from all over the world show up to protest. Which brings up several questions:

• How do these people get the money to travel?

They certainly don't all arrive by bicycle so they must be traveling on planes, trains, and automobiles. That makes me wonder about their commitment to ecological issues.

• What are they actually hoping to accomplish?

They haven't, so far as I can tell, impacted any decisions made by those holding the meetings. And this is after years and years of protests.

• Isn't it really just an excuse to wreak a little havoc?

They seem quite organized. They attack mostly corporate stores and banks. Not that it matters, these places all have insurance which allows them to repair the damage at minimal cost. I always find it amusing that they attack Starbucks. Especially since I suspect many of these people organize online while sipping $9 lattes at their own local Starbucks.

When I was in the Navy, we happened to be in San Francisco for repairs while the protests over People's Park were going on in Berkeley near the university. We were warned not to visit the area. In fact, they ran us through some tear gas "training" the first day we were in port.

Tear gas training consists of bringing in 5 sailors into the back of a large van. In the van is a bucket of water and two instructors. You can tell who the instructors are because they have gas masks in their possession. They also have tear gas canisters. After a short lecture consisting of the words "we're going to show you what tear gas feels like", one of the instructors pulls a tab on a canister and drops it in the bucket of water.

The water prevents the canister from setting the van on fire because these tear gas canisters heat up quite a bit. The tear gas is bad enough without having to deal with a burning van.

Since the rest of us had no gas masks, we got to actually breathe the tear gas. It burns. It stings the eyes, the nose, and the throat. You feel like you are going to choke, you hack and cough which only makes things worse because these actions require you gasp for breath thereby sucking in more tear gas.

An instructor then makes you state your name and service number before you are allowed to exit the van. And you must wait until everyone does this because they apparently don't want any gas to escape when they open the back doors.

Unlike protesters, we did not have water-soaked rags to cover our faces. Nor, of course, did we have gas masks. I am sure I was not the only one tempted to jump an instructor and take his. But we were rendered pretty much helpless and incapable of aggressive action.

The actual purpose of this exercise was to discourage us from joining the protesters.

We immediately headed for Berkeley once we left the base. After all, I had a friend I wished to visit who lived right next to the contested park. Well, he wasn't exactly a friend. He was the friend of a friend and he sold marijuana and LSD. Out of his apartment. With the police presence and National Guard camped below his apartment building. I suspect he sold to a number of the Guard.

The point of the protests over the People's Park were legitimate. And in the end, they won. The school administration decided to build the additional student parking elsewhere. But while those protests went on, there were a number of really good parties at the frat houses. The protests were more theater than serious protest. Most of the protesters did not go to school at Berkeley. I am sure many of them didn't go to school anywhere. They were there for the "scene."

That, I think is the purpose of these G20 protests. Just a reason to show up, make noise, meet girls (or boys), and maybe get in a little looting. Maybe they were bored because there were no soccer riots at the World Cup.

And the administration thinks the Tea Party people are dangerous?

What can I say?

Though I am certainly no wordsmith and I am not a qualified etymologist (I barely qualify as mono-lingual), I am fascinated by words and their usage. I have, in the past, been an excellent speller, an avid reader, and an appreciator of puns and clever witticisms (but I would not call myself an aficionado.

Alas, my spelling skills have withered and my vocabulary has shrunk. I suppose that is inevitable, the brain seems to have a finite capacity for knowledge. At least, in my case. It appears that my once very good memory has been misplaced somewhere. Still, I enjoy good wordplay and still look up the occasional word to find its origins.

I became interested in the origins of words soon after I began serious school (after kindergarten). Reading, as I have mentioned before, was important to me. I wanted to be able to read the "funny papers" and comic books without any help. I had teachers who helped immensely by telling me (and the other students who were awake) about words and their origins. Some of the explanations might well have been true.

Teachers told me that the word news could be broken down by North East West and South (actual etymology is unknown). And also that "history" came from "His story" (actually from the Greek word for "to inquire"). One teacher suggested we think of "woman" as "woe to man." Man came from the German"mannus" and woman came from a combination of "man" and "wyf" (as "wyfman") in Middle English. Wyf also became "wife." Or so the Web tells me...


I repeat here a joke that involves a play on words. To get the proper feel of the joke, imagine that I am telling it to you with in a totally deadpan manner (as it was told to me many years ago)...

A British gent was touring the former American colonies in the 1800's and, as he passed through Kansas, enjoyed the hospitality of a farmer and his family. The farmer explained about farming in the American frontier and the farmer's wife proudly showed off her vegetable garden which, she told him, provided all the vegetables for the family (I won't go into what the farmer's daughter taught him). The gent was quite impressed and, after a sumptuous dinner, asked his hostess what she did with the surplus from the garden for it surely produced much more than they needed.

"Oh," said the farmer's wife, "We preserve them in these canning jars so that we have vegetables throughout the winter. It's a process called 'canning', I am sure you've heard of it.
"We try to never let anything go to waste. We eat everything we can and what we can't, we can", she finished with a smile.

The gent was puzzled for a moment and then realized the clever play on words and laughed.

"Quite! Yes, jolly good!" he exclaimed.

After returning to England from his journey, he often told stories to interested parties about the things he learned and the people he met in America.

"Here's an amusing anecdote I picked up whilst visiting a lovely family in the hinterland," he said, and explained about the farmer and his family and about the bountiful garden. He spoke of all the wonderful vegetables she grew, more than they could eat after harvest.

"... and then she said 'what we can't eat, we preserve.'"


Well, it sounded funny when I first heard it.

Time is of the essence

If time were not a moving thing
and I could make it stay
This hour of love we share would
always be, there'd be no coming day
to shine a morning light to make us
realize our night is over.

The other night, Wednesday, I watched a show called "Through the Wormhole", hosted by Morgan Freeman, on the Science Channel. This is a fascinating series and this particular episode, called "Back to the Future", discussed the possibility of time travel.

Time travel has always been something I would love to do. At different times in my life, I wanted to travel forward or backward in time. Not so oddly, perhaps, the traveling forward was a dream in my childhood and the traveling back is something I muse about in my, uh, "senior years."

I think it is probably impossible to travel in time. Although I toy with the idea that should it be possible, it might be to another parallel universe rather than the one you started in. This resolves the paradox problems since you do not, and cannot, affect the future (or less recent past) of your own universe. If time travel is possible in that manner then there may have already been visitors from the future to our time (or past) and our universe.

It is something to think about, to muse over.

If I could travel back in time, I would choose a period that I am greatly interested in. It was a time of danger. I would like to experience the 30's and 40's.


Where would you go? Forward or backward? And how far?

Isn't Snickers a health food?

I was wandering about the web looking for ideas when I come across an article in WebMD about stem cell research resulting in improved vision. Seems that certain stem cells from the limbus region can be used to grow a cornea which can then be transplanted to the damaged eye. This is Good News for those who have suffered corneal damage.

On the sidebar, I notice a "slideshow" about Food Frauds so I check it out. I do not have a weight problem but I do have an interest in food. I am also routinely suspicious (AKA a cynic) so I always have doubts about the health benefits of various foods and drinks.

One of my pet theories is that diet sodas are, in reality, fattening. I base this on nothing scientific, of course, since doing that would take education, money, and expertise that I simply do not have. No, I form my theories out of nothing more than random observation, anecdotal evidence, and personal biases. Like most laymen do.

Seems like science is catching up to me about diet soda, however. Item #5 (of 23) reveals the following:

Sugar-free soda may not be an effective "diet" aid after all. Some early studies have linked diet soda to weight gain. Does it prompt the body to crave more food? Or do diet soda drinkers believe it's OK for them to get the large fries? It's still not clear.

Part of my theory says the body requires a certain amount of sugars and, when deprived, stores away what sugars it does get rather than simply use them. There is often that anecdotal evidence (and joke) where the customer at a fast food "restaurant" orders a jumbo double cheeseburger, large fries, an apple turnover, and a large diet soda. And then wonders why he (or she) weighs over 300 lbs and can't seem to lose weight.

I also believe we fight genetics and upbringing more than food choices. Maybe the food choices have a bit to do with upbringing but habits can be altered. Genetics, not yet.

I also learned a little about milk:

Whole Milk (3.25%) = 150 cal., 8g fat, 5g sat. fat
Reduced-fat (2%) = 130 cal., 5g fat, 3g sat. fat
Skim (nonfat) = 80 cal., 0g fat, 0g sat. fat

I have never liked milk. I don't know why. The only time I drank it on a regular basis was while I was in Boot Camp. And that was because the alternative was what we called "bug juice" (this was a generic Kool-Aid which tasted terrible... hence the name) or coffee (which didn't seem to refresh me on a hot day). The rest of the time in the Navy, while on board a ship, I avoided milk because it was only fresh while in port; two days out to sea and the fresh milk ran out and was replaced by "bug juice" and powdered milk. I drank mostly coffee... ok, I drank it almost constantly.

The list also included Turkey Hot Dogs (which truly conjures up a strange image). I have never thought of hot dogs as nutritious, not even the Kosher all beef ones (which I love). My parents served us those hot dogs which were made from the mostly unidentifiable leftovers of various and sundry animals slaughtered haphazardly plus the usual rodent droppings. These are tasty but nobody I ever knew considered they might have some nutritional value.

I drink a lot of green tea, both iced and hot, mostly the lemon-honey-ginseng variety. At restaurants, I order unsweetened iced tea. Say, how do you "un-sweeten" something??? Shouldn't it be "non-sweetened" iced tea? Or "plain"? But I digress... I do not drink tea because it is healthy, I drink it because I like it.

I also found an interesting page on WebMD which is called a "BMI Plus calculator". It turns out I am healthy....

I have a BMI of 23.3 and a "Body Shape (Waist To Height Ratio)" of .45

It's not the result of rigorous exercise and healthy diet, it is likely only genetics at work.

Eat your hearts out!