Can it really be over?

Did you ever have something occupy your mind for a long period of time? I don't mean for hours, or even days, but years?

For the past two and a half years, I have been dealing with lawyers, a recalcitrant CPA, and the adult children of a late family friend. [link] but it is finally coming to an end. I don't mean I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I am stepping into that light. I just hope it isn't the light from an oncoming train.

Most people do not like lawyers, unless they are in trouble or want to sue. Even then, it's like entering into a pact with the devil. And perhaps we are. A lawyer is someone who takes your money and pretends to be on your side. He (or she) is a paid advocate. A bit like buying a big friend to defend you against a bully. You know he is there because he's being paid but you ignore it. It's a strange relationship.

Legal battles are psychologically exhausting. It's that mentally banging one's head against that metaphorical wall that wears at you. There are times it seems to have no positive end. Like a chess game with two very good players. It could end in a fairly expensive draw.

But this one is coming to an end. The terms are agreed upon, the settlement is in the process of being signed by all parties involved, and nothing much left to do except tally up the costs, bind up the wounds, and move on to the next battle in life.

Finally.

But it feels like the time I was sent off for a systems school for my former employer. 6+ months on the road. Well, mostly in the air, it seemed. Flights all over the country: Baltimore, Columbus, Atlanta, and Chicago. I got very adept at arranging flights, very familiar with the airlines, and motel/hotel living. When it came to an end, I missed all the traveling. I hated living out of a suitcase but it became a way of life for that half a year and felt uncomfortable staying home for more than a week.

It ended in a whimper. Unlike the TV depictions of legal battles, there are rarely those exciting court scenes where the lawyer pulls a legal "rabbit" out of his hat, mostly it is done out of your sight; in phone calls and letters between two people adept at manipulating words and people. You build up this expectation of a court fight and then it doesn't happen.

I feel so unfulfilled... and a bit "dirty."