Monopolistic Gerbils

I have made a few observations in my life. All of which are wise and deep. The latest came to me just a few minutes ago. My laptop computer is dumber than my desktop computer. This observation was made after careful study and hours of research. I didn't realize it was study and research, I thought I was just playing Monopoly. But, since I have made a profound observation, it must not have been play but careful study and research.

You see, I can win at Monopoly almost every time when I play it on my laptop. I lose more often than I win when I play it on my desktop. Yet, it is the same game from the same CD. Therefore, the CPU (the "brain", if you will) of my desktop computer must be smarter than the one in my laptop.

When I play Monopoly on the desktop (cleverly called "Desktop" in the LAN... but I digress), I often find myself frustrated, angry and ready to punch the screen. Instead, I simply quit the game without saving it. This avoids the embarrassment and humiliation of being beaten by a mere machine. I do not like embarrassment and humiliation. I got my fill of that in junior high.

What I have learned is that the computer generated players on the laptop are extremely stupid. I first noticed that they would make trades between themselves that were non-logical. Initially, I thought that meant the "players" were engaging in collusion since the computer obviously would not care which of those players won as long as I didn't. But a few simple trades of my own revealed the truth:

The computer generated players are blithering idiots.

I know, hard to believe. We tend to view our computers as devices secretly operated by ingenious, but tiny, gerbils who operate the wheels which, in turn, make the DVD unit spin the disks and spin the hard disks. Well, I am here to dissuade you from further belief in that particular myth. I suspect it is possible that I just have stupid gerbils in my laptop but the lack of gerbil droppings near any of my computers strongly implies that the Great Gerbil Theory is untrue.