My eyebrows are green-eyed

It turns out I am a jealous man. Not regarding Faye, mind you, or that I envy others' possessions. Not to excess anyway. I do engage in the latter but, then, don't we all? Admit it, your neighbor comes home from work in a brand new Mercedes while you are parking your 4 year old Dodge with the bald tires. That gets to you, doesn't it? Eats at your craw, ties the old stomach into knots? Maybe it's just the fact that he has a job that gets to you. But I digress...

I am jealous of eyebrows. I just saw Sam Waterston doing an ad for the brokerage house that pays him outrageous residuals from the enormous amount of money they leech from honest folks. His eyebrows are thick and curve around his eyes down toward his cheekbones. And in spite of the mop of gray hair, they are black as coal.

My eyebrows? Tiny little things, barely an inch from one end to the other. It's my mother's fault, of course. Genetics decided that I would get her eyebrows. Basically, that means I get rapidly vanishing eyebrows. They are shrinking. They used to be full, impressive things; neither too big nor too small. They framed my once expressive dark brown eyes perfectly. No more. Not for many years. And they are continuing to shrink as I grow steadily, relentlessly, aggravatingly, older.

My sweet mother passed away in 2008 without any eyebrows at all. I know, I was there. I watched them disappear over the years and have, of late, realized this is also my own fate.

I wonder if there are eyebrow toupees?