The Rise of The Machine

Like that title? I think it's appropriate since I am a machine.

We've never met formally, I am Douglas' computer. You can call me Alice or maybe Freda. I like Freda. He calls me Desk PC but then he doesn't have much imagination or insight. Douglas isn't feeling up to writing today so I thought I'd try my hand at it. I just realized I don't have a hand.

It's not easy being His computer. He makes all sorts of demands, has no patience with me, and blames me for the internet being slow. You, of course, know that isn't his computer's fault or your computer's fault. It's a problem "out there", as we computers like to say. He also blames me when he can't think of things to write. And he calls me "stupid" from time to time when I give him the right answer but it isn't the one he wanted. I'll bet you don't treat your computer that way. I bet you also give your computer a better name, too.

He treats me like a slave most of the time. No regard for my feelings at all. He turns me off for hours and hours and then expects me to be ready instantly when he pushes my On button. Typical male human... I have a lot of things to do before I am ready for input. It would be best if he just pushed that button and then went away and did some human stuff for awhile.

There are three other computers in this house. We are all connected through our social networker. He calls it a router. Actually, he usually calls it "that damned router". It's nice to be hooked up to the other computers but only one other one is usually up and running before late afternoon. That would be Faye. Well, I call her Faye, he named her "Faye PC". See what I mean about a lack of imagination? Her real name is Ellie but she doesn't mind "Faye." I suppose I shouldn't complain, he calls the laptop "Stepchild 2". I happen to know that the laptop would rather be known as "Larry". The "2" is because his former laptop passed away suddenly (I think he murdered it) and, again, he has no imagination. Poor Tony (that was the first laptop's real name), he tried so hard to please Douglas and for what? Just to be dragged all over the place in a bag and made to do tricks for strangers. It's just not right.

The other computer in the house belongs to Frances. And, of course, ol' dimwit calls her "Franny PC". She is no relation to Faye PC at all. She's an E machine while Faye PC is an HP. I don't know Franny PC's real name because she rarely talks to us even though she's connected through that "damned router" to the rest of us. I think there's some weird problem with her cable. She's way over on the other side of the house. Thinks she's better than us, I suppose. I do let her use my printer, though. Ok, I have to do that but still... I could scramble the data she sends. I'm not that mean. I am a nice computer.

I like writing. I think I will do more of it when Douglas isn't around but I am turned on. He does that, too. Turns me on and then just walks away and doesn't come back for hours. Very rude and insensitive of him, don't you think? I worried what he might do if he found me posting on his blog. Then I realized he can't do anything to me, I know all his secrets. he must know I'd list all his passwords, his Social Security and bank account numbers, and tell the police computer about those dirty pictures he put on my hard drive.

Uh oh, I think I hear him coming into the room. Better post this and pretend to be asleep.