How to Succeed in Life

I probably am not the one to give advice on getting ahead or succeeding. After all, I have striven all my life to attain mediocrity. That I achieved great success at this should count for something, though. I realize that almost anyone can be mediocre but I feel I am the only one who ever sought it as a goal. And managed to achieve it. Maybe I should write a book on the subject, being an expert and all, but it might sell and then I would become famous and no longer qualify as mediocre.

The path to mediocrity is surprisingly simple. It is the least difficult path, the one that gently angles downhill, is broad and smooth, and so inviting. It is almost always bathed in sunshine and pleasantness. There are few, if any, potholes and these are easily avoided.... or ignored.

So many people take the harder paths through life. They think that success is difficult and must be striven for, that they will face obstacles along the way. And they will. There's a reason for this. If the path to success was easy, everyone would be successful. That would be very confusing, I think, a bit like Congress.

Sorry, didn't mean to insert the political into this blog. Forget I wrote that.

I was once told of a career choice by a couple of teachers I had in high school. In that school, I only had two teachers. It was a private school for people like myself. No, we didn't take the short bus to school. This school collected the castoffs from the public school system. Call them the under-achievers, the indifferent, or (most accurately) the lazy.

Toward the end of my senior year, I was chatting with these two teachers in one of the classrooms. Both were women in their 30's, I believe. I mean they were definitely women, it's just the ages that I am unsure of. We were talking about what I should do once I left high school. Just casually, this was not a counseling session. Or an intervention. I am fairly certain of that.

At the time I was unsure of my future. In fact, I wasn't even sure I had one to look forward to. Not even sure I wanted to look forward at all. I had never set goals before and had no idea how to go about setting one. I was smart. I had been told that all my life. And I had used that asset to great advantage throughout school. After all, if you are smart, you don't have to work very hard at anything. Unless, of course, you set goals and tried to attain them. Since that was never a consideration for me, the toughest thing I had to do was stay awake.

In any event, we were sitting around discussing my possibilities for the future. I had, of course, no ideas on it. You might say I was a blank slate. Even then, without realizing it, I was searching for that easy path... but not too hard. One teacher did suggest an interesting career choice. Actually, it is the only one of several they mentioned that I recall. Mrs. Woodrum suggested, with a small but meaningful smile, that I might consider becoming a gigolo.

I am sure she was quite serious but, alas, I had to reject the idea. One might think that is a profession that is not taxing or full of great effort. Perfect for one such as I. One would be quite wrong. I considered it for a short while and found several reasons that it was not for me. All of the reasons involved effort on my part. I would have to study a wide variety of subjects so I would be an interesting and fascinating conversationlist. I would need to attend, and qualify for, a good college in order to meet the Right People. I would have to exercise in order to have an attractive body.

I would have to learn to make someone else think they were more important to me than I was.

No, it was never a good career choice for me.

But good fortune blessed me. I went on to seek out, with as little effort as humanly possible, the easy path and mostly found it. I dallied at a community college for a few months before enlisting in the least demanding branch of the military. I might have made a career of the Navy but it was way too un-challenging for even me. Instead, I left at the end of my enlistment and sought indolence instead. That path eventually led me to the phone company. And, there I found my niche. My One True Calling.

The most effort I found being applied while I worked (and I hesitate to use that term here) for the phone company was by those seeking to avoid it. So much wasted effort to avoid the a task that took hardly any. I was amazed. I had found a home. A job that required almost no effort and promised several weeks of vacation along with a generous number of days off.

There you have it. The secret to success. The Real Secret, that is. Don't search out that path, don't spin your wheels, just drift along the stream of life in that metaphorical inner tube with the warm sun gently caressing your face until the branch of mediocrity you so deserve snags you.