Do we qualify as farmers?

We are a family of three; myself, Faye (my lovely and gracious spouse) and Frannie, my sister-in-law. This makes life interesting here. Frannie is the only one with an actual job, she works at a supermarket cooking those sample meals. I am, of course, retired and Faye is not exactly retired but let's just say she chooses not to work anymore. Faye has been a telephone employee, a bank teller, and a tax preparer. She is much happier now. Which means that I am happier, of course.

But this isn't about our employment status. It's about vegetables. Specifically tomatoes.

Frannie and I decided there's not much point to a lot of empty space in the Florida Room. Let me digress and explain that term to those of you who have never been to Florida. Most people would call these "screened porches" or "sun rooms", or something like that. In Florida, we call them Florida Rooms. So far as I know, no other state does such a thing. There are no California Rooms, or Minnesota Rooms, or... well, you get the picture. We, Frannie and I, decided we should grow some things there. So, we did. I bought a little Key Lime tree, Frannie started an avocado tree from the seed of one of the many avocados we sacrifice to guacamole. Faye even got intrigued enough to plant some pepper seeds. We are talking jalapeno peppers here.

Everything has done well. The Key Lime tree started producing 3 months after being transplanted into a large planter pot. Faye's peppers are prolific. Frannie's avocado trees are growing but won't produce for another 4 years. If then. There is also an unproductive but healthy pineapple plant which doubles as a home for Chester, the lizard who lives in the Florida Room.

But Frannie also brought home 3 tomato plants in a pot. They died. Never to be daunted, she brought home 3 more in another pot. We transplanted them into another pot and put them on the front porch. So far, we have harvested one tomato. But there are more growing. The problem is that it is taking over the porch.

It now has a name... The Tomato Plant That Ate The Porch. Or, Harvey. I am not quite sure which. In either case, it doesn't seem to answer when we call.

The weather here in Paradise, while generally beautiful to incredibly hot and muggy has been quite cold. This morning it was maybe 28 degrees when we got up. This is not good for the plants. They think Florida is supposed to be tropical, just as we residents do.

I am not happy that I cannot walk around barefoot and in shorts and T-shirt. I am thinking of suing the state chamber of commerce.