On Being and Nothing(ness)

Today, my friends, is about nothing. Now that I am retired, nothing is important. There is nothing I must do and there is nothing I want to do. It is as if I have found my calling. I was born to do nothing. And, as often as possible, that is what I have done.

I have worked all my life, when not doing nothing, to arrive at this point. Even while working, I tried my best to accomplish nothing. And, for the most part, I was successful. Oh, there were some failures along the way where I actually achieved a short term goal or finished a project or some such thing but these were minor and of no real consequence. They hardly set me back at all.

I have been told, from time to time (mostly by ex-wives and disappointed former girlfriends), that I am good for nothing. I would just smile and thank them for the compliment. This seemed to just make them angry. For some reason, they did not understand my appreciation of their recognition of what, to me, was what I wanted out of life. It was nothing which concerned me, however.

Some men search for something all their lives. I learned early on that nothing is all around you and, therefore, much easier to find. To achieve nothing is simple but elusive. Even a little effort often accomplishes something. The trick is to deny responsibility and eschew credit when that happens. Eventually, people come to understand that you stand for nothing, that you desire nothing, and that you need nothing.

Early on in life, I took the adage "nothing ventured, nothing gained" to heart. Whenever I found myself struggling to achieve something, I would remember that wonderful phrase and redirect my efforts elsewhere.

And now I have arrived at the point in my life where I can look back and take pride in nothing. I now hold dear the proverb...

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and to rest afterward."