Sorry, you're on your own

I found myself in a predicament the other day. That isn't unusual. I often get into these because I procrastinate, make bad choices, or just ignore the warning signs. But this predicament is not something I let happen or caused.

I found myself in the awkward position of giving advice on marital problems. I am currently batting .500 on the marriage thing. One failed, one still holding together. I know what I did wrong the first time; I should not have married her. I don't know what I am doing right this time. Maybe nothing, maybe it is just that Faye is much more forgiving than Wife V.1

When you get right down to it, marriage is not something I understand. Neither do either of my siblings. My brother has been married and divorced three times. My sister a few more than that. She is still married, though, and that seems to be holding up well enough. None of us can tell anyone how to fix a broken marriage, but we can tell you what to not to do. We did not inherit this from our parents. They were married for 62 years before my father passed away.

I am very glad I met Faye. Unfortunately for her, it was at the end of my first marriage. I actually first saw Faye several years before that. She worked as a clerk at a telephone office where I was attending a class. It was just a glance across a break room, we didn't speak or get introduced. Oddly, she remembered the chance meeting. It may have something to do with the fact that I was a long haired, thick bearded, scruffy guy who looked out of place just about anywhere.

I was still married then and wasn't considering cheating but I also wasn't averse to looking. We met formally at a party given by a mutual friend about a month before Wife v.1 and I separated. The marriage was over, it was just that we hadn't decided who would move out and when. I didn't recognize Faye that night, even after being introduced. She had transferred into the same office I worked at some months before though I didn't know her or see her very often. We worked different shifts in different parts of a large building. The mutual friend also worked there. When I did see Faye at the office, she was dressed to work... jeans, t-shirt, tool belt. At the party, she was dressed in a 3 piece suit, high heels, and was wearing her beautiful red hair up on her head instead of hanging down to her shoulders or tied back like she did at work.

It only took me four and a half years from then to get my divorce. Divorces are simple things if both parties can agree on property, custody, and that a divorce is needed. But if a couple could agree on those things, they probably wouldn't have a need to divorce. Faye was a good sport, she put up with all crap that comes with a guy whose life is in limbo. I have no idea why. But I am glad she did.

Maybe I do have some good advice. Your spouse, your significant other, your "better half", should be... first and foremost... your best friend.