Are We Mad?

That would be "Mad" as in "crazy", not "angry." I just got through perusing a NY Times op-ed wherein the author vents about the prevalence of misogyny in the culture. Misogyny is simply the  "hatred of women." It manifests itself in many strange ways. It can lead to violence as well as to social withdrawal. And it has become a Big Topic since the killings in Santa Barbara. The guilty party wrote an online screed (which many have described as a "manifesto") where his views of women were made quite clear. Full of anger, full of confusion, full of hatred.

I admit that I do not understand women (What man does?) but I do not think that means I am misogynistic. I trod a rocky path with women and girls throughout my life. I, too, have seen girls hooked on abusive boyfriends and husbands, returning to them instead of running away. I do not comprehend this. Or didn't... until I went through my first marriage. You could say it was one of those "love-hate" relationships but, instead of physical violence, it was full of psychological warfare.

But that ten (really more like 14 since that is when the divorce was granted) years didn't turn me into a misogynist, I don't think. I desired relationships with women and have always enjoyed such relationships more than male friendships. I am more comfortable with the females than the males in my life.

We humans are a complex lot, full of contradictions. Womanizers and playboys are seen as misogynistic yet women seem attracted to them. Men are both afraid of and fascinated by beautiful women and pretty girls (watch the TV ad which talks about "tomorrow" where the pretty girl approaches the awkward teen boy and asks "Are we still on for tomorrow?"). He clearly is caught up in mixed emotions. The young male actor does an excellent job expressing the dichotomy he feels at the moment.

I have felt that same dichotomy on a first date with an exceptionally pretty girl as a teen boy. Afraid to fail and scared to try to succeed. Sometimes too scared. I dated a young girl in junior high  but didn't kiss her until a party where "spin the bottle" was played. That was a year after we first dated. My reticence  worried me, as I am now sure it worried her. I don't know what thoughts went through her head but mine were simple... I was afraid. Afraid I would upset her, afraid I would do it wrong somehow; that she would then reject me. Silly fears, I know, but I was just 14.

Does that make me misogynistic? I didn't hate girls but I was afraid of them.  Still am, I guess.