Wake up and Smell the Coffee!

There is a ritual at my house each morning. Sometimes it is more like warfare. Subtle warfare, like scouting parties and recons. In reality, it is a group of small rituals centered around the main activity: Morning coffee.

My house has three adults in it. Well, chronologically speaking anyway. We all drink coffee, some more than others, and we all must have it soon after staggering out of bed. The trouble is we only have one coffee pot and it holds only 12 cups of coffee.

Actually, that's not true. The manufacturer says it is 12 cups but it is more like 6 to 7 cups in Real Life. This is because while the industry defines a "cup" as "6 ounces", Real Life provides us with 12 to 16 ounce coffee mugs. My personal favorite is a 14 oz insulated steel travel mug, of which I use about 12 oz. The insulation ensures that the coffee will stay hot enough until I am finished.

[ramble mode on]
I used to drink a lot of coffee during the work week. At least 2 pots a day, often more. I did this for several years. One Saturday, I noticed I had a massive headache. Then I realized I had these headaches, the massive ones, almost every Saturday. They would last until I had breakfast (which was usually late in the morning and at a Denny's restaurant on Saturdays) and I had swallowed at least 2 or 3 cups of coffee. Being an aspiring genius, I quickly deduced that my headaches were symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. I was addicted! It had taken me only 10 years to figure this out. I was proud of myself. I set about weaning myself off coffee. Not entirely, mind you, I am no fool. But down to a couple of cups a day on average and only in the morning. It took some time and a great amount of willpower but I have achieved my goal. Mostly... I do backslide on occasion, for which I am duly repentant.
[ramble mode off]

What happens is that the first person up in the morning turns on the coffee pot. (running joke; one leans over the coffeepot and whispers, "Oh baby, oh baby") Then that person (hereafter known as First Drinker) is entitled to, and definitely will take, the First Cup. If a usurper manages to sneak in before the First Drinker then strong words are often exchanged. Fortunately, blows are never exchanged, though dirty looks and snide asides tend to fly about. We are all entitled to two cups, any after that is considered a "bonus cup". The person (Last Cupper) taking the last cup must perform the Last Cup ritual.

The Last Cup ritual is not complex. Last Cupper announces/asks if he or she should make a new pot. Sometimes, Last Cupper will simply start a new pot without announcement because he (or she) knows that someone (usually Last Cupper or First Drinker) will want More Coffee. In that case, Last Cupper will announce "I have put on a fresh pot!" or words to that effect. At this point, all may finally relax as the Morning Coffee ritual is now completed and we have, once again, become reasonable and rational adults. More or less.