I never have any fun anymore

After reviewing what I have written in the past couple of weeks (and even further back), I have come to the conclusion that I am morose and depressing. I could say it's just my nature and that might even be true. But I wasn't always this way, I was once young, care-free, and happy. I was also quite humorous. People laughed with me, not at me, I mean... most of the time.

Along the way on this journey through life, I turned into a cranky old man. Yup, I emulated my father. He was the cranky old man on the block when he was in his thirties. I am strongly suspecting that it's genetic. My grandfather wasn't like this, he was a fun loving, skirt chasing, old goat rogue that drank a wee bit too much for my grandmother's taste. Maybe that's where my father's personality came from... his mother. Or because, unlike his father, he was a teetotaler. He only drank on New Year's Eve and his anniversary (the latter occasion always struck me as an odd time for a teetotaler to want a drink) and then only one mixed drink.

There might be another clue in the above. My descent into crankiness seems to have coincided with my middle-aged reduction of alcohol consumption.

They say we humans tend to "self medicate". We get depressed and have a drink to cheer up. Or we take illicit drugs to escape the boredom or depressive nature of reality. As Lee Marvin's character in "Cat Ballou" said... "I'll drink to that!" I wonder. Perhaps we just need the escape from reality from time to time.

When you think about it, reality is pretty depressing for most of us. We work all our lives until we are too old to and then we are told to retire and enjoy life. Life, at that point, is watching yourself crumble into old age and senility. I have known more than a few men who retired and then died within 5 or 10 years. They had nothing to keep them going.

That's not a problem for me. As I have said before, I was born to be retired. Doing nothing much has always been my goal.

When I was working, a co-worker once remarked about our graveyard shift, "Working nights is like having every day off... but you're sick all the time." That's a bit like retirement. I have every day off but my deteriorating knees, eyesight, and hearing doesn't let me take advantage of them.

I know, I know... I seem to play a lot of golf. But that really isn't fun unless you do it well and I don't do it well. But I'd miss it if I quit playing. And I have nothing in mind that could take its place.

Maybe I should take up drinking again. As I recall, I used to be very good at it.